The real reason Seattle traffic sucks
A moment in the life of the typical first vehicle waiting in line at a left turn arrow in Washington state, brought to you by tiny dog:
- Left arrow turns green. Car doesn't move.
- (Staring at floor of car, talking into Nokia flip-phone with "Bowling for Soup" ringtone.) "So anyway, right, uh huh! Totally. Right. It was a latte but I put Splenda in it and not Equal. Ahahahahaha! Right. Hahahahahahahaha! Splenda is the same except different. What? No way! Hahahahahahaha! That is awesome! Yes I got skim milk. No, I don't like soy. It tastes like dirt! Huh? Julie hang on, someone is totally in this tiny ass Mini Cooper honking at me and I have no idea what his problem is."
- Flips off Mini, returns stare to floor of vehicle.
- "Anyway yeah I totally like the huckleberry syrup too. It's kind of like the blueberry but more huckleberry-y. Oh shit, hang on, he's still honking. HEY WHAT THE F*** IS YOUR PROLBEM AUSTIN POWERS! Some people can be so f**&% rude. Anyway where were we? Ahahahahahahaha! No way! Loganberry is so not a berry. You're making shit up."
- Glances up. Notices stale green arrow.
- Sits there, unncomprehendingly.
- "Uh huh. Yeah but just a little bit of foam but totally extra hot. They never make it extra hot and it majorly pisses me off." Fishes around in cup holder for lip gloss.
- Looks up again, puts hand on steering wheel as if considering a turn.
- "What!!!! Ahahahahaha! Are you f&^% serious!" Light is now yellow. Inches car out into intersection at snail"s pace. "She spilled it WHERE? Was it a Venti??"
- Waits for light to turn red.
- "That is so not going to come out of those linen pants."
- Suddenly bolts left, almost colliding with oncoming traffic, and leaving subsequent cars stuck behind light.
- Repeat.
posted by Strikethru at
9:02 PM
3 Comments:
You have captured the essence of driving in Seattle. Since I moved here 5 months ago, I have definitely noticed the exteme pokiness of drivers in this area. Not that I have road rage, but I certainly have Road Why-the-Heck-Are-You-Going-So-Slow Agitation.
The gas pedal is next to the break ya morons! Perhaps to reduce traffic in the area, Washington should hire Californian drivers ed instructors to teach them that it is ok to turn left on a green arrow or that going 5 miles below the speed limit is totally uncool.
Seattle drivers are by far the worst in the world.
Thank God I'm not the only one to think this. I was afraid people were looking me like "that asshole from California." Seattle drivers are by far the worst I've ever encountered anywhere. I've been all over the US from South Florida, New Jersey, New York, all up and down the West Coast, Nevada among others and Seattle drivers are BY FAR the worst in all of America. Heck, I've been to Canada, Mexico, the Philippines, Sweden, Germany, England, and Norway and I'd say that Seattleites are by far the worst in the world (Norway is a close second :) ). I can't, for the life of me, understand why people on the freeway here insist to drive exactly 5 mpg under the speed limit all in a row. It's impossible to get around the 50 MPH wall the drivers here create. And why the driving in the carpool lane for the sake of driving in the carpool lane? you don't HAVE to drive in the carpool lane JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE 2 PEOPLE. If there's no traffic and you want to drive like my grandmother, then do it in the right lane, please. Gawd.
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