Give me the &%$! Cialis

For six months, my inbox has been incessantly throttled by dozens of daily pitches for Rolex watches and Levitra. With intriguing subject lines like This vineyard or cicada lozenge, the ads flow in night and day, completely unchanging and unstoppable.

As of today, I admit, I've finally been broken down. Buckley Smiley and Bryant Bryant, Gotzon Salisbury and Horace Brand, gather 'round.

I'll take a metric ton of Levitra. Please throw in 14,000 imitation Cartier watches. I completely trust the legitimacy of your operation; why else would you have hired a random spam factory in Heilongjiang to hammer every American mail server at every minute of every day with the same two ads if you didn't stand behind your product?

Now that I think about it, why should I bother shopping at inconvenient internet retailers with pesky guarantees and credit card security when I could just click on unsolicited e-mails with randomly generated titles, containing grainy .gif files?

Let the shopping begin.