Death by carrot
To hell with carrots; it turns out that Debbie Cakes may be your safest dining option these days. At the very least, you are unlikely to be paralyzed from the neck down after eating one. Is anyone as completely unhinged as I am about this thing with the carrots? I mean e-coli spinach is one thing, not that I didn't totally panic about that in recent days, but for the love of all that is holy, PARALYZED BY CARROT JUICE? There you are, drinking some bland pureed vegetable, thinking you are doing something healthy for your eyesight or whatever the hell carrots are supposed to do, and then wham, you are twitching, seeing double, losing all connection to your large motor functions permanently, becoming the very vegetable you just consumed. Oops, sorry consumer, we may have dropped a little botulism in there with the spirulina and vitamin C. Side effects may include a total inability to independently move any portion of your body for the rest of your life. Thank you for trying our product.
Every night at 2 am I stare into the darkness, eyes wide and unblinking, deeply freaking out about things like this.
posted by Strikethru at
9:02 PM
4 Comments:
Hey, you don't have time to be worried about tainted carrot juice; you're supposed to spend your time worrying about North Korean nukes, or Yankee pitchers flying into the sides of buildings. I mean, what good is the media if they can't prioritize what we're supposed to be scared of?
I think we should all lay off the vegetables for a while, though.
What about these other critical headlines pulled from the front pages today?
"Exotic, pet-like bunnies left to die in canyon"
"Married to 6 men, cops say, and named McBride"
"Report: Reid fixes botched boob job"
"Is binge shopping a disorder?"
Botulism isn't permanent...that's why people have to go for botox injections every few months to keep their wrinkles from scrunching up. There also is antitoxin available. Danger is not getting to that in time before the breathing muscles paralyze and/or not having artificial respiration nearby.
Anyway not something I'd recommend going through! Pretty soon we'll see warning labels on carrot and other low-acid juice to "keep refrigerated at all times".
I read though that these Toronto carrot victims are permanently paralyzed. Eek.
Saw a dude at Trader Joe's yesterday with a whole gallon of carrot juice. Could be the last time anyone saw the man moving under his own power.
Anyway I have started the all Halloween candy diet, day three. Mmm, Krackel.
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