Yule Log

There is this super cool thing on TV today that you can only find at this magical time of year, sort of like egg nog or fruitcakes, except actually I guess more like digital photographs of egg nog or fruitcakes. This cool televised offering is called Yule Log. Basically, the concept is this. A burning log. On your TV. Also, instrumental Christmas ditties like some of that junk from the Nutcracker, you know, the sneaky little song when the rat tip-toes across the stage?

Yule Log has many advantages over standard, reality-based logs. For one, Yule Log burns for hours without human intervention, provided your power grid is not down for Christmas. No kindling required. Also, Yule Log does not require that you load any felled tree matter into your sport utility vehicle. It does, however, require that you spelunk menus in Comcast On Demand. Also, it does not emit any heat. This last point is indeed a drawback, but in that regard differs little from most other things you'll find on TV.

My favorite thing about Yule Log (Comcast High Def edition) is that at the end of two hours of meandering flames, the credits roll. There are assistant producers for Yule Log. People for whom Yule Log is a line item on a resume. Now this may seem a little weird, but allow me to point out that at least in my own case, this accomplishment far outstrips any of my own workplace achievements, in terms of spreading Christmas cheer.

Yule Log really takes me back to the days of crackling bonfires in the town square, except even better because it is in high definition and is not a fire hazard. Perhaps those taken with fireplace versimilitude would remark that the high, lapping flames toward the end of the Yule Log running time (Comcast edition) are digitially enhanced, in that they burn with more prowess than the depicted ashen log coals would suggest possible. And to those doubters I would say, just because you aren't sure that Santa could fly all around the globe in a single evening with a reindeer-powered snow sled in theory, doesn't mean that it doesn't in fact happen every friggin year. It was Linus Van Pelt who said of disbelievers, "One little slip like that could cause the Great Pumpkin to pass you by."

Merry Christmas.