Dumb cars

There are lots of dumb cars. Hell, cars are dumb. But some cars are dumber than others. Which brings us to my list of...

Dumbest cars according to tiny dog:

Bonus car Today, I saw a commercial for the...

Chevy Aveo

Otherwise known as the Daewoo Kalos (sort of its uncool, real name, e.g. Allen Konigsberg = Woody Allen), the Chevy Aveo is a wedge-shaped econo-box, on the order of a European smart car, but with none of the cachè. The commercial I witnessed implied that someone might actually want to buy one. Why?

Toyota FJ Cruiser

The poor man's hummer, this looks like some commemorative Hot Wheel from Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. Lots of silly engineer dudes with pale legs poking out of oversized cargo shorts are driving this rolling beverage cooler around at a certain technology company where I work, and they are not fooling anyone as to whether they spend any time offroading at big game parks. Lame.

Pontiac Vibe

I just don't like the name of this one, is all. My mother in law rented one just the other day and it is sitting out in my driveway. Does anyone in America actually go to a Pontiac lot and say "show me some Vibes?" Runners up: Daewoo Nubira, Suzuki Esteem.

Bonus: tiny dog poses by the Vibe

Pontiac Aztek

Pontiac again. Well played, my friends. Looking like a cross between an armadillo and an At-At, this car's ugliness is well-documented; thus there is no sense in elaborating here. All I know is? It makes me mad.




AMC Concord

No list of dumb cars would be complete without a mention of my first car, a vinyl-topped, manila-colored '82 AMC Concord with brakes that locked up on one side. What, you don't remember the AMC Concord? That is because you are probably thinking of AMC's other iconic entries in the list of outrageously dumb cars of all recorded history. Bonus feature: weird black grease on the seatbelt buckle that smeared on the front of all your shirts.