Harry Potter and the Spoiler Alert

Yes, I have a copy but I haven't started it. So don't be like that joker in Quizno's the other day and tell me all about everyone who died, cuz I don't want to know. Be prepared for me to levy the crucius curse against your ass if you reveal any plot details-- wait, that's the curse where you die, right? Not the one where unicorns come flying out of your wand?

I'd like to register my ongoing disappointment with the fact that J.K. Rowling has yet to consider my idea for a supplemental tome in the series (I would generously split the profits), but there is still time. We both know that there's no way she's gonna be able to stop at seven books. Just think of all those comic strip geezers who keep on creating their 80 year old, socially irrelevant comics even from their graves!

I'd like to take this occasion of the release of the supposedly final tome in this convoluted, yet entertaining series to point out to America's asshole publishing industry that YES, MEN WILL READ BOOKS WRITTEN BY WOMEN. Perhaps they have to use their initials, and make all the relevant characters male, but men can be tricked into considering the literary ideas of the inferior gender.