The tiny dog guide to garage sales

I have been recently perusing garage sales on random weekend mornings, and have learned a few strange facts.

Fact 1: If you want it, it isn't there. I've been mainly looking for a manual typewriter, and have seen no sight of one after a minimum of 15 sales.

Fact 2: Some people are just pretending. I've come across a number of g-sales that flirt with fauxitude for one of the following two reasons: barely a handful of things for sale, or greatly inflated prices. I question why anyone would subject themselves to a wasted weekend morning, and grubbing, shopplifting hoards off the street for exactly no reason.

Fact 3: Don't buy new baby stuff. Oh, remorse. Basically everything I ever bought new to support our resident baby in her quest to be clothed, contained, and entertained, I have seen for sale, basically unused, at every garage sale I was at. For a dollar. Let me stop and offer an aside to anyone contemplating the acquisition of a baby: anything that kid won't use past the age of 1, buy it used or borrow it from someone else. I know this runs counter to the glorious crap-fest that is the modern baby shower, but you really should trust me on this one. Cause you're going to end up with a houseful of crap that you have to store before you can blink an eye.

Fact 4: Weight loss is a sham. I saw more rusted infomertial exercise machines and yellowed lo-carb paperback diet guides than could possibly fill all the landfills in the Western U.S.

Fact 5: Telephones are a major source of post-consumer garbage. Piles of old bungee corded push-buttons, shoe boxes stuffed with oversized cell phones and all their earpieces and cables. It was kind of depressing.

Fact 6: Do not buy anyone holiday themed decorator items. They will only try to lose them at garage sales.

I guess that is all I have to say. Probably this G-sale fad is about to run its course, since I am not in the market for a plug-in glowing Santa, stained duvet covers, or weight loss paperbacks, and this is all anyone has for sale.