The Hall of Heads: A Totally Pointless Website




The Semi-Employed Couchside Television Critic

Well, I have been semi-employed for about a week now and I have definitely had a chance here and there to glance at the TV. For those of you among the working fools, I have chosen to do you the favor of watching all the syndicated reruns, cable exposes, and made-for-tv movies that you're too busy to watch.

The E! True Hollywood Story:
Farrah Fawcett
The E! Channel

I'll tell you one thing, that Lee Majors, the Six Million Dollar Man, was some kinda chauvinist.

This was the only fact of interest to be culled from "The E! True Hollywood Story: Farrah Fawcett." In a nutshell, the reason she left "Charlie's Angels" after a single season was because he wanted her home to cook his dinner. Well where is he now?? That son of a *&^? You can bet the casting agents don't often say "six million dollars" and "Lee Majors" in the same sentence any more. As for Farrah, my verdict is that her hair was always just a tad too crispy. Aside from that, neither I nor the E! True Hollywood Story has much of interest to say about her. I'd go so far as to question her very fame.

However, for those of you interested in the behind-the-scenes tips on how to get her signature hairstyle, I have one hot link for you to check out: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Hills/5257/look.htm

Crap, I just spilled cheerios on myself. I guess that's about it.

The Pirates of Silicon Valley
TNT

I had high hopes for this one. Having gone to college in close proximity to the nexus of techno-greed depicted in the film, and feeling as I do that Noah Wyle has a sort of appealing patheticism , I figured there would be good times had for all. Or at least me.

However, I was instead treated to the following scenes of horror:

  • Anthony Michael Hall pretending to be Bill Gates chasing women in a roller rink and predictably falling on his ass (did you know that Bill Gates was a social misfit?)

  • Noah Wyle with unibomber facial hair and peasant clothing twirling around in a field, high on acid (why was everyone in the 70's always running around in empty fields? Thank god for the onslaught of commercial development.)

The whole film seemed as if it was made by a bunch of technically non-comprehending sensationalists who should have stuck to making TV movies about infidelity starring Victoria Principal.

On another note, I refuse to believe that cuddly, photogenic Steve Jobs actually beat desktops with his fist and screamed "I ask you for genius?" to cringing , goateed Apple employees. He's too cute.

It's showing in reruns every night this week on TNT. However, turning on your computer and watching it boot up will teach you more about the computer industry than this film, and hopefully in less than two hours.

Rerun Corner:
Four Subplots I hated on "Friends"

I used to think that everyone who liked this show was a moron. Then I started liking it kinda. Good thing I have low self-esteem already. However, the fact that I indirectly condone watching it sort of does not excuse the show from the following, irritating sub-plots:

  1. Ross's kid. I find it a stretch that anyone as irritating as Ross could possibly be fertile, or would even get a chance to find out.

  2. Ross and Rachel. There is no way anyone like her would ever sleep with Ross.

  3. Ross's British girlfriend. Bitchy and boring .

  4. Ross as anthropologist. Too hung up on whining to even style his hair properly, much less have a real career. Who the hell handed out jobs on that show? The women got shafted.

    I have suddenly realized that I have a real problem with Ross and maybe that is what this is really about. Maybe also I was thinking that my real career might be as a television critic which I seem to be doing just fine right here at home and I don't even need to fax my resume anywhere to do it.

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