|
About
Mr. Tick
It
has been four score and seven years since Mr. Tick advised anyone
about anything, I am perfectly aware. The bottom line is people
-- and Mr. Tick does NOT want the E! True Hollywood Story crew
to catch wind of this, you can be assured-- that our Mr. Tick
has a pretty substantial drinking problem, and frankly, always
has, although recently it has kept him from even coming to work
here at the tiny dog corporate headquarters. You may send your
well wishes to askmrtick@tiny-dog.com, or your moral quandaries
for him to solve, as perhaps more than anything else at this critical
time, Mr. Tick merely needs a reason to live-- and you and your
sorry problems may be just that. Peace to you, friend.
It was
springtime in Chicago and a certain tiny dog writer was browsing
innocently in a comic book shop, in search of wayward Simpsons
figures, when it happened. Hundreds of plastic, unblinking,
bear-eared creatures stood grinning frozenly and a little maniacally
on dozens of shelves, in baskets, on tables. Each one of these
toothy fiends had a tag affixed, written completely in Japanese
except for a name that was hard to explain: "Mr. TICK."
It was then
that I immediately knew Mr. Tick had the answers to all of
life's conundrums and concerns. I invited him on the spot
to join the staff of tiny dog.
Dear Mr. Tick:
have an insane cat. I feel I must explain.
Dear Mr. Tick: Boss... or evil klownie
robot?
Dear Mr. Tick: How can I avoid my boss?
Dear Mr. Tick: Morale has been really
awful lately, and my coworkers are quitting left and right....
Dear Mr. Tick: Do you believe in a higher
power?
Dear Mr. Tick: Nine times out of ten,
when someone merges in front of me in traffic, they don't even
acknowledge my presence behind them!
Dear Mr. Tick: My situation is dire. I
am afraid that I am addicted to bad television
programs....
|