dear tiny-dog,

Thank you for the chance to be a part of something, this is my first experience on The Vanguard and the view from here is endless. Today I had business in Denver (none of your business) and these thoughts occured to me while avoiding the potholes.

1. A bossy Squirrel is a poor motivator.
2. Opposing flocks of Magpies and Ravens can only agree to disagree.
3. An overly needy Dog is unseemly and pathetic.
4. A Fox pays for his/her slyness by purchasing only loneliness.
5. One can only conclude by observing The United States political process
that Snakes are people too!

Again, thank you for affording me this opportunity to "sound-off".

Sincerely;
Chester Tokens, Denver

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Dear Mr. Tokens,

We were proud to present your cautionary tale, Lemon Pie, and encourage your future submissions.

On a more sinister note, our resident mascot, the Miniature Pinscher, Nora, was somewhat offended by your maxims concerning her fellow members of the animal kingdom as mentioned in your letter, in particular, the overly-needy dog of item three. Thus she has chosen to unseat me in my usual role of respondent to your thoughts:

Mr. Tokens:

Being as you are, I can only surmise, a member of the human kingdom, my ears indeed pricked up when your letter arrived and presumed to assume such preposterous notions about my fellow animals as the following: that snakes are people, and also, most incredibly, that needy dogs are pathetic.

Firstly as any dog will be happy to explain, snakes in no way resemble humans in that snakes lack digits and thus the capacity to drop stray food items on linoleum. Secondly and most egregiously, to declare a needy dog pathetic is in fact to roll up the newspaper of thousands of years of a symbiotic man/canine relationship and whack the canine half across the nose with it. I can assure you that a needy dog is in fact a needed dog, and it is this "neediness" that endears us to our human companions, who are far lonelier creatures than any fox I have thus far had the misfortune to encounter.

offendedly yours,

Nora.

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