I was all set to discuss The Coreys, the daft derring-duo of 80's big screen gems like License to Drive and Dream a Little Dream, as I remain traumatized by memories of Corey Feldman's recent appearance on The Surreal Life (the pathetic D-list celeb reality series that bunks such luminaries of entertainment as Vanilla Ice, Emmanuel Lewis, and "Trishelle," a drunk, mentally arrested Real World graduate and frat house barfly who made out with Andy Dick on camera). However, a brief Internet search showed me that someone else has beat me to the punch in a retrospective of the Corey phenom, albeit with tasteless, greenhorn formatting. (Why must people insist on continually committing these web design crimes as though this were 1997?)

Corey's appearance on Surreal Life was one of the true banner moments of the reality genre, right up there with voting Puck out of the San Francisco house. You can re-live the Corey magic on TWoP, in which a sullen, peroxide-haired Feldman implodes in spectacular drama queen glory with weeping, prenuptial demands, declarations of self as "wounded child," wedding day appearances dressed as a shoe cobbler, and other amazingly unselfconscious displays of mental imbalance. Whatever specific permutation of the celebrity downward spiral has transpired in the world of Corey since he shouted "Nobody rakes on my old man. He stormed the beach at Normandy!" is anybody's guess, but I was an unfortunate witness to the unpretty results, and scars remain.

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