After the recent game 2 of the '04 World Series, Curt Schilling recently attributed his gimpy-footed, yet triumphant pitching performance to God, underscoring one of the eight million, two hundred and seven thousand reasons why American-style Christianity really sticks in my craw. If Curt is to be believed, God, who allegedly created the world according to well-trafficked lore, actually is rooting for the Red Sox, and in particular, Curt, at the expense of the Cardinals. This makes sense because Curt kisses his 1-pound gold crucifix between innings in misty close-up moments, paying homage to the conveniently partisan man upstairs, who really has nothing better to do this October than make much of well-paid men with silly haircuts, and their quest for the ring.

It is also widely believed in the United States, unless you happen to live under a very heavy rock, that our man God takes great pains to bless America at the expense of other nations, and is in fact a registered Republican, heartily endorsing such seemingly immoral Republican baggage as the 10,000 plus human sacrifices on behalf of the literally unjustified war in Iraq. This might seem to crowd up uncomfortably against one of the Ten Commandments, if I am not mistaken, but God created twisted logic too, and thus, it is not for mere mortals to judge.

Deployed in this way, God almost seems like some sort of moral contract agency, who, if paid with prayer, will reward partisan causes with His blessing, whether or not they work against the better interests of others. I smell a decidedly irreligious rat --human arrogance-- in this interpretation, and yet, millions of Americans, and in fact religions persons of all stripes, trade in this sort of selective and customized form of holy blessing every day, and sleep like babies at night. It's people like tiny dog who are voted as the folks most likely to be left burning alive when the believers are teleported to the wine and cheese party in the hereafter on the day of the Rapture.

A wise cardboard sign once sagely observed: "you know you've made God in your own image when He has all the same enemies as you." I kind of had to laugh since, although I surely agree with the sign's observation, even its creator assumed that God was a man-- a somewhat laughable notion that again, is widely accepted by humans, because men are the dominant gender here on Earth. Surely God enjoys drinking a cold one and reading a little Penthouse on his days off-- makes sense to me.

In conclusion, I just had to remark on the strangely unchallenged hypocrisy of parading God as your running mate on the stump, or your guardian angel on the pitching mound. Doing so is the true American pastime in these terrorphobic times. It is increasingly a litmus test of American allegiance, in fact (!) and yet it strikes me as residing vaguely south of truly moral and ethical behavior, already in slight supply on the eve of another American election likely to be settled not by ballot, but in court.

May God disenfranchise, litigate, tamper, or otherwise bless the winner to victory. Amen.

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