Now that I am sober, I find that the buzz train has dumped me off several blocks from my stop, and it's a long walk back to any relevant content whatsoever. Before you go getting all critical, however, allow me to point out that it's not easy saying nothing, for no reason, week in and week out. I climb it for one reason alone. Because it is there.

But on to today's actual topic, which is a plea to you, the masses, to please, shut up about Star Wars. All of you. There is no subject more boring in the deepest reaches of black space, although I do encourage fans to venture out to a distant galaxy in search of it, preferably without your air tanks.

Now if you love rubbery Darth Maul torsos glued to the lids of Taco Bell cups, and you feel that I am harshing the force with my sentiments, you can warm your light saber over the fact that I am literally earth's only human who is bored by digitally-rendered sandstorms on cheerless, sepia-toned planets, and fleets of marching, CGI-hologram digi-troopers.

You may smile knowingly from within the oversized hood of your Obi-wan cloak as you stand in line down at the Googleplex with your fellow Darth-dweebs and Wookiee wanabees, secure in your conviction that a glowering yet dreamy Hayden Christensen is in fact who you would personally select as the embodiment of interplanetary evil, if you were sitting in the Star Wars casting chair.

When Donnie attacks

Tiny dog thanks DarthMakry for pointing out this link to an apt mockery of one of TD's own most hated journalistic forms, the indie rock record review. This smackdown was delivered by none other than David Cross, Tobias from Arrested Development, or, more famously in my mind, Donnie, from a two-episode guest appearance on the utterly pointless and aptly named sitcom, Just Shoot Me. If you missed those two episiodes, I am very sad for you indeed.

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