Taco Bell sauce packets. You know that you have some in your refrigerator, possibly organized in an ancient ziplock bag and crushed under the condiments in one of those grimy shelves inside your refrigerator door. Perhaps they are historical remnants of your past days cohabiting with culinarily-challenged males between ages 19 and 29, and you have neglected to scatter them to the winds out of creeping nostalgia for your squandered youth.

Or, you're just one of those weirdos who hoards things. Either way, they're in there. What you may not know, however, if you now prefer to dine on king salmon from hippie-approved organic groceries, or at the very least, burritos from chain taquerias, is that the sauce packet game has changed.

Taco Bell has tasted the corporate coolaid of emotional branding, and has dispatched the unassuming sauce packet as the new face of friendlier, faux-Mexi cuisine by providing each packet with a humorous turn of phrase, oft-delivered in the packet's own "voice." We here at tiny dog have taken it upon ourselves to analyze eight random examples on a packet-by-packet basis. As a technical writer myself, I do not envy the SPWs (sauce packet writers) their OZ-like mission: to imbue each packet of sauce with a soul.

Note that others have tried to profit from the new Taco Bell sauce packet sensation, but tiny dog is more interested in the cultural value of Taco Bell's attempt to give these packets a voice and thus regrettably, you cannot purchase the eight torn sauce packets displayed in our gallery at this time.

So I married a critic

Tiny dog has received some criticism regarding the below sauce packet rant that she would like to share in an attempt at journalistic fair-mindeness. "I liked the sauce packet deconstructions," observed the husband, slash anonymous critic, wireless Logitech Xbox controller in hand, "but [overall] it wasn't personal enough and... the primary essay didn't really capture the absurdity of the situation." The critic went on to point out that in fact, he was the one who first noticed the packet sayings, and thus felt that tiny dog had absconded his thunder.

Reader, take note.

In related news, it would seem TB's campaign to emotionally brand its taco sauce packets indeed started with a dedicated team of corporate sauce packet writers, but was then outsourced last year to consumer-writers, paid with a year's supply of Taco Bell food items in lieu of a salary. Well played, Taco Bell. I retroactively award you the tiny dog 2004 Cynical New Millennium Marketing Award.

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