|
April
2003 | I
don't even know what to say.
It's
time to update tiny dog, and yet I am deep in a funk of nameless
bitterness, with "America's Hottest Couples 2003" squawking
in the background on the TV. Damn them all. Damn them all to hell.
Things
are messed up these days, as you are all aware. Badly messed up.
You are either unemployed, or possibly about to be. American soldiers
are bombing the heck out of Baghdad and draping US flags over
toppled Saddam statues in questionably flagrant disregard of global
suspicions of U.S. imperialism. If you see anything wrong with
such ham fisted displays of jingoistic jubilation amidst smoldering
rubble and body parts, there are plenty of fellow Americans who
would like to drag you behind their Ford Explorers with a bungee
cord. Did I mention the economy is on an unbroken free fall toward
Hell's deepest crevasse while Americans natter on about freedom
fries and the joys of censorship? Yes I think we broached this
subject already. What the hell is wrong with you, my fellow Americans?!
Clue, anyone??
To
add to that, the cat won't even let me clip her claws. Not even
if she is dead asleep. I touch the paw, she's out of there. I
am only looking out for her best interests, but cats just don't
give an ass about what we want or think; they just want the food
and the upholstered kitty sills and the brushings that they will
tolerate if they are feeling itchy.
Dammit
cat!! Give me the paw!!
Work
is screwed up!!! Bad!!! On the commute home I worry about everything!!
Driving into a ditch!! Japanese content management strategy!!
Taxes!!! Mortality!!! Freaky emotional states of sullen past memories,
work rebellion, nameless crabbiness mixed with pointless rage!!!
Not
to mention that Faith Hill sucks!! She sucks!!! Wake up America!!
I mean her looks are very mannequin and that's all well and good
but she can't sing. And yet apparently these awful music TV channels
are telling me that she is primarily employed at this very task.
I've heard her. Have you? Can you say pabulum? Can you say white
noise? I mean who cares, but its just the little sloppy details
of celebrity culture like Faith Hill sings and Carrot Top apparently
has enough celebrity clout to sell discounted collect call services,
and Ben Affleck is not a milk-toothed meat-head, these types of
totally not true things that we are just supposed to accept because
the TV says so (among other not entirely accurate stories the
TV is peddling these days, for example on fox news or cnn), I
am here to tell you that this tiny dog says no thank you.
I
really need to turn off America's Hottest Couples right now.
Oops
the Patriot Act police are here regarding statements I made in
paragraph two so I am here to say that Republicans are the best
kinds of Americans and mandatory Christian prayers in secular
institutions in no way violate the founding values of this country.
Good
night.
Did
I mention that Joey Potter of Dawson's Creek is the most heinous
of love dissing bitches ever conceived in a twisted TV scriptwriter's
mind? Oh that's right you don't care because you never watch TV.
You read high minded web literature like tiny dog instead, except
not any more, because tiny dog has violated its own prime directive,
no, not "do no harm" but rather, "do not discuss
political views." Well that's all shot to hell now, isn't
it. Go ahead and send your angry letters. Bring it on my fellow
Americans!! I am here in the mailroom ready to rumble!!!!!
|