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July
2003 |
Despite lack of updates, President Bush insists Tiny Dog content
quality "darned good"
People
aren't we overdue for a rant about how I never update the site
with rants? Oh shut up people, quit mocking the fine people of
this aimless Internet periodical. Go on and update your own damned
Web site. Oh wait... you don't even have one, as we all are painfully
aware.
As I sit
here picking cat hairs off my "Microsoft Customer Care"
vest while watching true-crime cop-car surveillance camera footage
of drunk and staggering perps on TV, the full realization that
tiny dog has sunk to its lowest crevasse in its 2 1/2 year history,
as have I, smacks me clean upside the head.
Meanwhile,
sites like the Quirkyworks
Song Blog continue to put tiny dog to shame with the incessant
crush of its new updates. Dammit Nupper!!!!
How do I
know tiny dog has reached the sea floor? To start, there are no
more outraged reader letters piling up in the mail room, tearing
us a new one like the bulls of pamplona for not updating the site.
Because you, people of tiny dog, have lost all hope, and now have
turned to Eonline.com to read instead about whether, in fact,
Demi and Ashton are for real, or if in fact they are taking us
all for one collective fool in regards to the matter of their
alleged affair.
Well I have
news for you my people. I am outsourcing my entire readership
to a remote nation at 1/5th the cost. It is a land in which no
reader ever complains, and all readers relish content that is
completely pointless and out of date. Wow! Bet that took you by
surprise. You thought you were just going to sit there on your
high horse, criticizing and picking and choosing your sites and
your content, like the Internet was a great revolving conveyor
belt of sushi, and you, a discriminating yuppie on your lunch
hour. No more my friends, no more. I shall now profit handsomely
from my new, remote and undercompensated readership which never
complains. Yes, the Canadians and I will forage a new Tiny Dog
readership that shall return Tiny Dog to its former snowy, airless,
uninhabitable peak of greatness.
What the
hell am I talking about... what has happened to this site... good
god people... it's time for bed.
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