September 2003 | Another day, another rant

Tiny dog had the following thoughts today, in no particular order:

• I should not have eaten so much taco salad
• What in hell traffic law permits two old guys on bicycles to ride at 10 mph, side by side, in my traffic lane, forcing me to drive 10 mph in a 50 mph zone? Who the f*&^!! died and gave these two old a**h***s the right of way?? Get a bike lane grandpa!!! Makry said this is legal, apparently. Ok this makes no bloody sense. Why don't people just start holding crawling contests on the runways at Seatac, or, otherwise doing totally slow, unsafe things in confined spaces designed for fast moving vehicles weighing thousands of pounds??
• I have no idea how to dress like a 32-year-old.
• Columbus was a wicked man, as were his plundering European New World sailing buddies, and its really weird that he's gone down in history as some cool dude when the truth is he didn't even know where he was when he arrived at his various destinations (none of which were, in fact, what is today known as the USA) and then he proceeded to enslave and kill everyone wherever he landed. I mean, go read his own sailing memoirs if you think I am just assing you on this one. He was essentially, Saddam in a boat, if we're looking for a broad, modern-day analogy here.
• Was there not one minute in six years of footage where Dawson wasn't a total tool whom no one in real life could possibly stand? (this thought of course, during today's infernal weekday morning Dawson's Creek re-run on TBS: The Superstation)
  
• I am completely freaked out about home break-ins, car accidents, random terrorist acts, identity theft, job interviews, misogynistic shock jocks and their fans, all the hours of my finite existence that I sit in a cubicle stressing over e-mails, death, myriad cruel episodes in history, and the Pizza Hut crust that you twist off the pizza and apparently turn around and dip into some free-standing cheese-sauce receptacle, marketed as "twist and dip." Pizza Hut stop fucking with the pizza concept!! Stop it!! Stop it immediately!!!!

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