The
Ice Storm
Starring
a whole mess of actors like Kevin Kline, Sigourney Weaver, Tobey
MacGuire, etc. etc.
Stars:  I
guess...
 This
was apparently somewhat of an acclaimed film (from 1998) that I
in no way recall having heard of before being sick and seeing it
on TV today. This means nothing of course. It exists. Click the
graphic to prove it.
The plot concerns
a familiar retread of suburban infidelity and hijinx that happen
during "changing times," as chronicled in a whole mess
of films like The Big Chill, American Beauty, etc. Critics and scriptwriters
seem to be deeply moved by this stereotype of uptight, alcoholic
suburbanite conformists in failing marriages and their glazed and
desperate drug-using teen offspring.
This film has
all of the usual period touches (it is set in the early 70's) of
Nixon on TV in the background, polyester pantsuits and whitish lipstick
on the brittle wives, waterbeds and vinyl couches, just in case
we forget for a minute how bad our collective judgment was at the
time.
The story ping-pongs
between sleazy and depressing adult antics like wife-swapping "key
parties" (put your car keys in a bowl by the door) and depressing
teen antics like joyless preliminary sexual encounters, choking
on bong hits, and stealing Valium from medicine cabinets. Let us
not forget the tense scenes when teens and adults meet, at the archetypal
family dinner table, always a sullen and tense affair.
Apparently
the fanciful title "Ice Storm," while artfully hinted
at with icy symbols like windchimes, glass doors, and failed relationships,
actually does refer to an actual weather incident, which appears
toward the end of the movie. By this point I had been on the couch
for 6.5 hours with a half-assed cold of sorts and could not watch
another second of the film.
I think this
is pretty much all I have to say about it. I could go on about the
fact that no suburban family I ever knew (and I knew a lot of them)
was dysfunctional in quite this brittle and meanspirited way that
the movies seem to think they all were, but what do I know. Usually
when families were unhappy that I recall, they didn't stay together
making nice and giving each other tight smiles while sleeping with
the neighbors-- they usually just divorced.
Good thing
Newsweek recently declared the demise of the nuclear family-- maybe
now movies like this will stop seeming so vital and true to life
to all of the screenwriters and critics at some point.
The Substitute
Starring
Tom Berenger
Stars:
and a half
Instead of
a graphic, here's
a review by someone who probably watched the whole film. I didn't.
This film,
also stumbled upon in my 6.5 marathon session of sitting on the
couch today feeling sick, is another film I had never heard of before
today. I came into it 40 minutes after the opening and thus thought
it was a "Stand By Me" style "blighted urban school
makes good" kind of film. Tom Berenger was using bad-ass inner-city
schoolteacher tactics like martial arts armtwisting and sarcastic,
yet caring put-downs on the wayward, weapon-packing students in
an attempt to earn their respect.
As the film
wore on, however, there seemed to be this whole other plot layer
where Tom Berenger is some kind of Green Beret type on some mission
to expose corruption (of the murdering variety) in the school administration.
Thus when I clicked back and forth on bits of the film inderdispersed
with Dixie chick videos and baseball highlights, Tom was rolling
under desks in a bulletproof vest, throwing guys out of plate glass
windows, and tracking people's movements with video surveillance
equipment hidden in a briefcase.
There were
also scenes where he was romancing the injured teacher that he was
subbing for by sticking a coat hanger into her cast to scratch her
itches. This part was really weird.
My concluding
comment here, as I didn't see any part of the film's second half,
is that looks-wise, Tom Berenger is kind of an appealing bad ass
of the Russell Crowe variety, but that in the 80's, the stereotype
of the gangy thugtastical urban highschool was often clownily overdone.
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