Lemon Pie | 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

My last brush with death came back in the fall of '93. I was running a Table Saw and doing heavy millwork for A&M Cabinets at the time. They had a lunch truck that came by twice a day and I became quite fond of a certain Lemon Pie that they sold. Normally, I brought my own lunch, a sandwich or whatever but I loved that Lemon Pie. It was a great supplement to my regular lunch.

Since I worked the first shift, 4:30 a.m. 'til 2:30 p.m. my eating schedule was different than most. I ate "lunch" at 8:15 in the morning and just had my Lemon Pie with coffee at the noon break. After I got off work, I would go home, crank up the Mr.Steam/Shower, prepare a large glass of "Grog" and burn a fattie, make an attempt at silencing the droning in my head caused by operating heavy machinery all day. After relaxing thus, I would be able to do some gardening, listen to KXLU, and make dinner for when Patti got home. This schedule went on for a couple of months before I guess I got a little too careless, a little too cocky. My beloved Lemon Pie, most exalted amongst desserts was about to turn on me.

It happened on Friday, this Lemon Pie incident. Oh sure, we laugh about it now but it was deadly business at the time. Patti and I went through our usual routine that week, barely seeing each other and we were both looking forward to our night out to dinner. At the noon break I cast about into and around the saw-dusty nether regions beneath my saw, fished out a brown paper bag and landed a tempting catch indeed, one neatly wrapped Lemon Pie.

The fact that the bag was obviously kinda old didn't faze me at all, I was/am a dedicated recycler proud of being able to use the same bag repeatedly. If a little alarm went off in my head at the time, well, my lust and craving for Lemon Pie all but drowned it out. I was aware of the fact that I hadn't actually purchased that Lemon Pie that day but couldn't imagine any scenario that had a Lemon Pie escaping my scrutiny for long enough for it to be a problem. I dug in with relish, into that luscious but silently malevolent Lemon Pie.

Next page | heretofore covered by a sugary, flaky crust I noticed several tiny, fluorescent lime green spots
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